Is your relationship getting a bit stale? Not quite sure how to freshen things up, getting that spark back? You’re in a rut. But you still love them right? – Sex and Relationship columnist Angela Whitewall this week discusses how regularly getting erotic massages can make your romance LAST.
Every week I get inundated on Twitter, Facebook, via email with the same question: ‘How can I talk to my partner about sex?’ Seriously you’d be amazed how many different ways this concern can be phrased and how common it is for people to think they are in the only relationship in the world that has issues with bringing up what goes on in the bedroom. Frankly, I think it might be a British thing. We don’t have the tools, the lexicon, to really have a casual conversation with our partner about sex. The most common mistake I find is that two people fall in love, have generic standard sex but don’t mind it because they are in love – they are in the honeymoon stage. To make this last, to build foundations that can really withstand the turbulent 9 month stage you really need to be open right off the bat. Say what you like say what you don’t like, introduce new components, and never let one night of sex ever be the same as another.
I understand that this advice is a little too late for a lot of you – if you had heard this at the start of your love affair this would have saved you-you would not be reading this now – but if you are reading this now it is probably because you have fallen hook line and sinker for somebody but the sex is so stagnant that you think to yourself is this it? Is this my lot – and you start to resent your partner for their part to play in the sorry mess that is your sex-life. But think about it! If you expect to learn exciting sexual play with every new partner and they expect to learn exciting new sexual play with every new partner then you are not going to learn anything! You cannot always expect to be taught, you have to reach a place in your life where you become the teacher.
If you truly love your partner and want your relationship to blossom and not die then you need to learn some new tricks. And I get it, I do! Introducing your partner to new things when you don’t know anything about them your self can be pretty daunting and a little stressful. Plus sitting down with your partner and getting ‘clued up’ together can be the opposite of sexy, it takes out the excitement, the element of surprise.
Why getting a body to body massage may benefit your relationship
Now… what I’m going to say next should not be taken the wrong way. I am infamous for standing on peoples toes by telling the truth. I tell it like it is and I’m not going to skirt around and give you some half assed advice for the sake of saving face. So take my advice or don’t but I know for certain that if half of the people that came to me with this problem did take my advice they would still be in happy, functioning relationships. So if you are willing to step out of your comfort zone, keep reading…
To improve your relationship, to rekindle or even ignite the fire within the bedroom the best thing you can do is get erotic massages on the regular. Sounds mad doesn’t it – on first look. Like I can understand the thought process… how could you possibly save a relationship by getting jerked off elsewhere? But it’s not about being ‘jerked’ off by someone else – it’s about bringing in an unconnected third party to illuminate your relationship about the gentle sensual art of erotica.
We’re British; sex can be embarrassing to talk about, to arrange. With the exception of erotic massage parlours – these places exist up and down the country, why? Not to satisfy dirty politicians as some would have you believe… they exist to pleasure and to educate.
Getting a body to body massage in a massage parlour will loosen you up, make you feel more comfortable regarding sex, break down your taboos. You are being served by a trained professional, and thus you will learn a thing or two from the expert. There are a lot of things you can learn from a book but there are some things that you can only learn on the job. In a relationship, you CAN learn together but if you don’t start your relationship off in this exploratory way then this will become difficult. Many of the people that write to me about their relationship woes all express a deep and profound respect for their other half- this my friends, is the biggest problem. Once you have become comfortable with somebody, getting down and dirty with them can be difficult, when you love someone you want to protect them not throttle them and tie them to the bed.
The two options you have
You can look at getting regular body to body massages in two ways. Option one, you can get massages as a way fulfil your primal desires and satisfy your deepest desires, whilst maintaining an emotional relationship with your one and only. As a woman, I can comfortably say I do not believe this is cheating. Having an affair is emotional and complicated and messy. Getting involved with someone other than your spouse in a romantic way is cheating. Getting an erotic massage by a trained professional is just a way of keeping your needs met and your desires in check.
Option two, you get regular body to body massages to learn new tricks to bring into the bedroom with your loved one. This is my preferred method. Practice makes perfect and there is nothing sexier than a man that knows what he’s doing. Train yourself up at the massage parlour in the same way you would train for a triathlon at the gym. Trust me getting regular b2b can turn you from a vanilla Vince into a sexpert Sam…
(P.S. You can even give couples massage a go! Let your lady friend learn a few tricks of her own!)